I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
