Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize