Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will be naked everywhere
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
