well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
