Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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