dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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