So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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