at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
