This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Drunk is not a location!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
