the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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