a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize