My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
