Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
