Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
