There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
MIDGETS
????
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
