I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize
