but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
