WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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