just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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