Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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