bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
