Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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