i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You ruined the universe
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
