you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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