Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
