I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
