alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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