It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You dont lie about slip and slides
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize