so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have fence marks all over my body
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
