I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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