i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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