how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We need a shit load of segways right now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
