mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize