Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
