I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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