I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize