It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
