hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
