your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
