last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
