oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
