they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
