I think my fart just growled at me.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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