someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
