GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
