Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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