you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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