2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
