Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
