Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize