And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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