I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize