Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
