Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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