You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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