The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
