Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
