You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
