I think my vagina is haunted
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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