I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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