Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
