Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize